Okay, um, I need a topic. Little help here.

...

Alright, I'll go ask on Irc. Just a second...

[16:20] SimonBob: I need an article topic.
[21:33] SimonBob: ...

Okay, I guess people on Irc don't like to write articles. Hmm.

Hey, I know what I'll do! I'll go find a picture from EB, then write about that!

WHAAAAT! Curse you, Itoi! I want my Earthbound! And I want it NOW! I'll wage a war against your anti-hacking policy! I'll send letters and e-mails and listen to ripped music! From Napster and stuff!

(SimonBob crumples to the floor.)

Awww, see? Look at what you've done to me. I can't take it anymore! I need the next EB game! That would really help here, I'm becoming a lifeless shell of what I once was... so can you release Mother 3? Look at me, I'm writing articles about my inability to think of topics for articles. I'm writing without a parachute here. My writer's block is at its pinnacle. I need new material. I mean, sure, it's fun to hack your old games to bits, but we're running out of ideas. Look at the topics on the EB board. ...Actually, don't, I'm not sure it's worth the heartache. (No offence meant to those who post on the EB board, btw.)

Think about how much a new game could do. We'd get an influx of newbies, looking for game tips and staying for the madness of the community. Old-schoolers would come back. The chat would become more fun (as for whether or not it is fun, I'll leave up to CPTCrunch/BuddyLee.)

Now think about what not releasing a new game will do. I can see thousands of EB fans across the continent, falling out of their doors, internal organs rupturing due to the ongoing lack of a sequel. Think of what would happen if they said, "Okay, no more sequels to Quake." Gamers all over the place, dying at their computers! Carnage as crazed clanners take to the streets, trying to find new ways to relieve their bloodlust! Aaagh, I don't wanna think about that.

I'm no longer sure whether this is directed to Itoi, or the gamers, or the government, or if I'm just trying to reinvent my life in a socially acceptable mode, so I'll end with a fairly direct comment to someone who knows who they are.

"Buy a hairbrush."