The topics for last week's mailbag were:

• OK, let's just ask this question flat out: Will Mother 1+2 eventually be released in English in North America? And do you think Starmen.Net will have played a major role if it is? I tend to think that M1+2 will not make it to North America, although I DO believe Mother 3 eventually will. But a lot of you guys are very optomistic about this. So convince me.
• What kind of EarthBound merchandise would you want to see? We all know that with the release of Mother 1+2 came some pretty nifty merchandise items. A Mr. Saturn strap was available by pre-ordering the game, and the awesome Starman SMAAAASH T-shirt debuted at the official Mother 1+2 release party. Although these items are sweet, there's still a plethora of EB Merchandise to be pursued. What kind of EarthBound stuff would you want to buy? It could be Tenda Pajamas, a Mr. Saturn Plushie, or even Spiteful Crow bedsheets. Be creative!
• SUPER FANFIC SPECIAL: What do you think of the fanfic section? Is SimonBob awesome, or should he be banished from the internet? Do you read fanfics regularly -- do you check out new ones as they're put up, or do you browse the archives looking at old stories, or both? Any particular favorites you'd like to share? What about group fics? As good as individually written stories, better, worse? Spill your thoughts out!

Narrator: Last week in Starmen.Net Mailbag.. Steve-o was asked if his punctuation keys were broken. This and more will be told.

Steve-o: Falcon24... YES they are broken but other than that.

*Changes Channel to PBS* Tonight on Steve-o's Questionaire Earthbound Mailbag Questions Answered

Steve-o: We've got some great topics don't we. Ok Mother 1 + 2 in America. Nester, the old Nintendo mascot, your thoughts.

Nester: Well Steve-o. Yes Mother 1 + 2 will be released because since Earthbound Zero wasnt released on NES many EB fans would be interested in what EB0 would be like. Oh and if Nintendo is watching I want my job back please im still hip.

Steve-o: Next Question "What kind of EarthBound merchandise would you want to see?" to Bob the Man who lives in my Ear.

Bob the Man who lives in my Ear: Well Steve-o. I would like to see more things in the clothing department. We need to have more cups and things. Also what about having plushies which would be a good idea, think of a giant Mr. Saturn with a voice box when you squeeze him wouldnt that be cool his phrases could be "BOING" or "Drink Coffee" or "Join the Army"... wait you didnt see that.

Steve-o: Next Question "What do you think of the fanfic section?" goes to our special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Steven Hawking.

Steven Hawking: *Robotic Voice* Thanks for having me, Steve-o. All your base are belong to us. I've always wanted to do that. Now then the Fanfic section is cool and seeing that alot of people like to read I think that it rules. It tickles my EB funny bone, but it can also be sad. It makes me want to write. Thanks for having me Steve-o.

Steve-o: No Problem. Tune in next week for the new episode.

Now Falcon24 I want you to read and answer this one because your the first one to read my mailbag answers and this one involves you so it works.

Now time to listen to some Final Fantasy and Earthbound music and watch the Japanese Seisure Robots.

Have Fun,
Steve-o
AIM: RamGuy2001
May the EB PSI powers be with you and only you can prevent forest fires.

We all know Nester isn't hip anymore! If Nester aged like normal human beings he's probably be in his thirties and with a family of youngsters who played them there newfangled "NextGen" systems. And he'd probably lecture them about how in his day, all he needed was an 8bit system and a Nintendo magazine. On a side note, do you remember the time when Nintendo Power wasn't one big advertisement? I can't. :/

The thing is, I'm sure a lot of people who played EarthBound in the US (and don't come to this site) haven't even heard of EarthBound Zero until now. In fact, if it is ported, we don't even know if it'll be called EarthBound Zero, since that was the name of the prototype I believe. Not too sure on the history. So to most US gamers, EB0 will probably be pretty new to them.

I cried a single tear of joy when you mentioned that Mr. Saturn talking plushie. It was like this --> :~) Anyway, as for clothing, I personally would love to get my hands on one of those Starmen T-shirts. They are quite classy.

The fanfics section runs the gamut, really. You have awesome old stuff from people like MoonDoggey, who is considered to have some of the coolest and funniest fics around, even after all these years. Then you also have your more serious stories as well, mostly by a lot of the more well-known authors like Giampi, James, PSI322 and the like. They're all really good reads. Although I'd have to say that I may disagree with you on the 'a lot of people like to read' thing. I think most people tend to like visual art better sometimes. :/

First off, a shout-out to NessY2K. Tactics Ogre was released in the US for the Playstation. I have it. It's a tactical RPG along the lines of FF Tactics - and there was also a TO GBA game: TO - The Knight of Lodis.

Now why do I have to answer the same question twice in a row? Mother 1+2 WILL be released in the US. This is an undeniable fact, and if you don't like it then you can go boil your bottoms under a silly person.

As for fanfics, I'll admit I don't read them very often. Most of the time liberties are taken with the characters that are completely unacceptable and completely change the original intent of the source... the few that escape this struggle have writers that are truly gods among men. Usually a better route to take is writing a story that references characters and events in the original... which leads to the conclusion that the best fanfic on this site is EB.Net Seiges NOA =P

And finally, I want to extend a warm welcome to those who will find the site over the summer. We've already had a few show up and I know there'll be a lot more. This place is going to be so busy... just like old times, eh?

- WhoopA

It will be released? Oh man, I wish I had your certainty. I'm sure if all of our wishing could make something come true, we'd not only have Mother 1+2 over here, but also Mother 3, 4, 7, 23 and the Battle.Net Edition. I can't say that it's an "undeniable fact" that it'll come over here, but with all the efforts we've been putting in like the petition, PK Call'n, and Jonk's art book/visit to NOA among other things, I'm sure we've probably tipped the scales a very small percentage in our favor. Small, but nonetheless significant.

EB.Net Sieges NOA is probably one of my fond memories of Starmen.Net (EarthBound.Net also...heh heh). It's a little amazing to think that the entire epic saga was written by reid, Tomato, EBounding and Ultimoo. It just goes to show that you can have awesome writers everywhere, even if you don't know it! Even to this day, I think EB.Net Sieges NOA rivals some of the most well-written stories on the site as being one of the best if not the best. It's even listed in the Site Tour, for crying out loud. Great stuff.

But to be honest, responding to your comment about authors taking liberties, I really don't agree. EarthBound is one of those games that you can really take into any form that you want. I mean, Ness, the main character, has as much character development as a jar of pickles. With the exception of him conquering his evil, we don't know much about him since he never talks, so it's only fitting to take some sorts of creative license with the characters.

And yes, we're hoping lots of people find our humble home this summer (though it is already half over :/ ). So I'd like to extend a welcome to these folks too. *cough*Andsubmitletterstothemailbag*cough*

I believe with a strong fervor that Mother 1+2 and 3 will all make it to our shores.

In the past years since Earthbound's release the US market has turned in such a way that RPGs are much more popular then they've ever been. Nintendo knows that. Why else would they release Fire Emblem or Advance Wars? Those games had no proven following here. But Nintendo took a chance on Advance Wars and it paid off big. I think a similar fate is in store for Mother 1+2 as well. With a little more persuasion I believe Nintendo will have too much to resist. If 500 people got the Zelda minidisc released here then 30,000 should be able to get Mother 1+2 here as well.

- Fobbio

That's an interesting notion, Fobbio. The markets do tend to swing on the trends, so it may very well be possible that this RPG trend may be leading to what we ask for. Although as for persuasion, I don't think there has been a single more devoted and more bothersome fanbase than us. ;D The accumulated petitions and community activities are enough to rival most other crazy fanbases out there, in my opinion, and I can't possibly see how we could put more effort into what we're already doing.

As for the Zelda minidisc, I believe someone said that the reason that worked is because it was so spontaneous. Our stuff is highly organized, so when Nintendo gets it, they say "Hey, it's those guys." So I'm not quite sure I agree with you that a petition of our caliber necessarily equals release. Though here's to hoping!

These topics are too long and make me cry.

- Carpainter

Then cry me a river, Carpainter. Cry me a river. Aaahahahahahahaha

I seriously think that Mother 1 and Mother 2 will be released in America. Why would Nintendo publish it in thier magazine? I ripped out the page where it was located at and hanged up on the wall. I await the blessed day when Nintendo announces the date of it's release in America. I promise if I get any news from the magazine that I'll post it here.

- Agatha

It's true that it is very suspicious that Nintendo Power would mention it. Although I'm not entirely positive, but NP may or may not be the same in both countries, and just translated. So Epic Center might be catering to the Japanese readers there and just translated it over. Can anyone shed some light on this? I'm not 100% certain. I'm not trying to crush anyone's dreams here, but I like to have all my facts straight. Anyway, still a good insight.

Well, I really am bad at following the suggested ideas, but here I go rambling about yet another boring issue.

In england, there was a survey about religion. One of the options was Other:______

Amazingly enough, so many people wrote "Jedi" in that other box, that they made Jedi Knight an official religion.

Regardless if you have heard that or not, maybe us Earthbound junkies should start a religion.

We could eventually take over the world, and set up our own government and rankings. It would boost economy, I swear!

Well, if you're eyes hurt, I'm sorry.

Oh, and here Falcon24: Ham Sandwich complete with mustard on top. Soda.

Boy, it sure is tedious being a Flunky's Flunky. I'm er... Destined to serve you.

- FlyingManRage

Ahhh, an excellent sandwich. Even NeoPaula couldn't have made it this good. But since it looks that I've been bumped up a notch, (or rather, put side-by-side with someone else), you'll be the Co-Staffer's flunky now. Excellent stuff!

An EarthBound religion, eh? But the Happy Happyists were craaaaaaaaaaaazy. EarthBound tells us that crazy cults are bad! Have you learned nothing!?

But I still plan to join the Jedi Order, simply because I can then go around hitting people with plastic lightsabers and saying it's a part of my belief system. Ahahahahahaha

"What kind of EarthBound merchandise would you want to see?"

I would like to see a SM.net cover for the gameboy! I would also like to see one for the Game Cube controller. But covers for platform controlers have gone the way of the dinosour. The last time I saw one, was in an OLD OLD OLD Nintendo power book (cataloge). From when SNES was still around. *sigh*

- rividkid

A Sm.Net cover, eh? I'm sure someone here could make a mod like that. It'd be a pretty nifty item, though I don't know if Starmen.Net could sell it legally. Nintendo surely couldn't. :P As for controller covers, I remember in one of the first issues of Nintendo Power I got, they had some decals you could stick to the SNES controllers/GameBoy. I did that, and then I wanted to get rid of them, but the decals wouldn't come off nicely and they left all this junk on my GameBoy. :( Poor gigantic, yellow-screened GameBoy.

I should write a fanfic. About Paula. And name it "Mother 2-2: Paula's hotpants adventure." It can be the ultimate fanservice fic.

Earthbound underwear would rock. I'd wear them every day. I could go to school and then go "I have ness under my pants : - )". And then I could scream "EARTH BOUND EARTH EARTH EARTH BOUND EARTH EARTH BOUND MOTHER TWO!@" and get totally kicked out of history class.

Yeah, I've been up since 5AM. it's 11PM right now. No SSS update tonight. Oh wait this isn't newspro

- SLing

YOUR SECRETS HAVE BEEN FOUND MISTAR SLING

In this fanfic, would the sea captain from Toto crash his cargo of hotpants up onto the beach of Scaraba, and then all the locals would start singing "Who Likes Short ShortS?" I give this story my seal of approval.

Also, the idea of Ness in your pants is scary, SLing. Don't ever write a letter on lack of sleep again, please. :(

Idea for merchandise: EarthBound Trading Card Game!

- Blazeman

Actually, word through the grapevine is that some of Starmen.Net's cool dudemen are working on such a game, I believe. Not sure if it'll be physical or a computer game or whatever, though. Also, don't take my word for it. I don't really know where I heard it, so I may not have heard it at all. It may have been the mini-ghosts playing tricks on me. *doo doo doo doo doo doo*

Do I think Mother 1+2 will come out for the US? Of course! Is it not a sin to think otherwise for a fan? Well, probably not.... Nevermind....

But, yes. I think It will come out here. Starmen.net has nagged Nintendo enough. And besides, If it doesn't, I will see to it that Itoi finds horsehairs in his bed......

-Starman Sigma

I agree that Starmen.Net has been on Nintendo's case like a good ol' fashioned cowboy ridin' a bull. It bucks and flips out and tries to throw us off, but we won't let them shake us

Horsehairs? Why horsehairs? Why not just outright use the head of his favorite horse? It'd be an offer he couldn't refuse.

I think mother 1 and 2 has a good chance of reaching here. But then here's the thing. Starmen.net will get no recognition for helping to get it here. EVER. I don't think Nintendo would or will ever officially recognize our onslaught of incredible petitions, and how we took a video game they thought would never become such a hit and turn it to thousands of pieces of art, and about a trillion more poems, songs, cd albums, and of course fanfics too. :)

Personally I feel Ness has the marketable potential of any Nintendo giant, like Mario, etc. The thing is, Nintendo just has to take that leap of faith. Perhaps Putting him in Super Smash Bros. and SSBM is a sign they would rather have Earthbound seap into American gamer's hearts rather than all at once, ala pokemon. Eh, but maybe I'm rambling a little bit. I just think that, given a little time, we'll get an american release. Too bad our site won't get any credit.

- Arad

We might not get any credit, but those who matter will know. We'll all know that Starmen.Net played a decisive role, and that's all we need to know. As for EarthBound's slow integration, I agree with you on that it would be a smart move for Nintendo. I don't think we give Nintendo enough credit sometimes: the guys over there are good with their marketing ideas. They don't want to saturate the market with EarthBound and completely ruin the magic of it all in one shot. They'll move slowly, but it'll happen.

Methinks a killer poster would be one with EVERY single character you can see in Earthbound includin the bad guys. Though that would get a bit big wouldn't it... ALSO i'd loooooooooooooove to see any form of plushies be it Ness or the Skate Punk or the cute lil ufo!

- Mich詬 Borean

Hee, I'm sure a poster wouldn't be that far off. You'd be surprised how many sprites you can fit on a poster-sized piece of paper if you make them small enough.

It looks like plushies are a popular idea. People really like them soft, squishy things shaped like characters. Really any plushie of a nifty character would be cool. I'd like to see one of a Desert Monkey, personally. : )

Yes Mother 1+2 WILL be released in the USA and yes I do think we played a magor role in it's release because if Nintendo didn't notice the petition AND PK call'n what the heck are we supossed to do next run throught Nintendo headquarters naked with the words "RELEASE MOTHER 1+2" painted on us and even that might not work but if we do try this I call I get to wear the M

I would like to see Earthbound everything from hats to dinner plates to underwear even Ness flavered fruit snacks.

And the fanfics I don't really read them at all so I'll end with a Homer Simpon quote " *drunk* have you guys seen that blue man group total rip off of the smurfs"

- Mystery Dude

Actually, that running naked thing might not be such a bad idea. We'll just have to send SLing, Sephy and SimonBob to do it, though.

Speaking of SimonBob, he will be sad that you don't read all the fics. But you're still cool in my book for the Simpsons quote.

...Ness-flavored fruit snacks?

Whee, been a while since I did a Mailbag. Onto the topics...will Mother 1+2 make it to America? Well, I can tell you it POSITIVELY will as a ROM, but you mean the actual game. Personally...I think it's possible. Not a given, but possible. I'm not getting my hopes up, nor am I being skeptical. The way things are, it could go either way. If we continue to fight hard for that which we want, we may eventually get it - Mother 1+2. And yes, I do believe that, should the game...games...[what PRECISELY do you classify this as, anyway? Compilation, I assume?]...make it over here from Japan, that Starmen.Net will have been a driving force in its reaching our shores. [And hopefully it'll sell well so the people in Europe can get it, too.]

As for EarthBound Merchandise...I believe you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned Mr. Saturn plushies. I'd also like to see an entire line of plushies - Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo plushies. How about an EarthBound Monopoly game? "You landed on Fire Springs with three Drug Stores on it...you owe me 275 bucks!" Heheheh. That'd be fun. Maybe a strategy game..."Starmen Risk"...okay, I'm just getting into the realm of impossibility now, huh? ^^;

Well, that's it for this MailBag...what a cheesy goodbye. o.o

- Magnus

Oh man. You get a Totally Sweet Point for the Monopoly idea. Thumbs up.

I also think you're right on the money in being slightly wary but hopeful that Mother 1+2 will reach US shores. A reserved optimism is probably the best thing to have in this situation. If you're too hopeful and it doesn't happen, then you'll be pretty upset. If you're totally skeptical about it, though, your attitude ends up bringing others down, so it's best to have an equilibrium. Good stuff.

Hmm, the tooth fairy gets a l33t point for giving you a dollar, and we can do the same. Well I don't know if you've forgotten this (how you could is beyond me, as there's at least two references to it a week), but every time I send you a mailbag letter, I'm giving you my two cents. Upon receiving this letter, you have reached a total of ten cents from me, and when I write my 50th mailbag letter, I'm going to come banging on your door demanding a l33t point.

Owning a Mr Saturn plushie would have me content, but a Dungeon Man plushie would be pretty sweet, and maybe a Camera guy candle (watch him melt, hehe).

As for SimonBob, he's Canadian, and that = good. Besides that, he's a Ninja, he's a staffer, he's funny, and he's got that sexy wolf pendant thing. As for fanfics, they rock too. Over the summer I plan to read as many as possible, and I'm starting in the group fics. My favorite fics would have to be GIFE, Mother Alternate, and Picture Imperfect.

While pondering over some silly remark on all the Anthadd complaints in last week's mailbag, I noticed something very interesting about his name. It is not actuly a name, but a secret code revealing his true identity. Take a look: ANT HAD D. Doesn't make much sense does it? But say it out loud, what does it sound like? AUNT HADDIE. That's right! Anthadd is actuly your sweet old auntie Haddie, disguised as a purple mountain goat, disguised as our resident trivia staffer!

Zeth, when The Turkey said "Falcon24 as the new mailbag monk-, I mean flunky." maybe you were right, but I thought he was calling Falcon a monkey. Get it, Flunky, Monkey? ROFLOLOLROLOFLOLO- yeah. I really need to stop worrying about these tiny things.

BirdieTwentyFour - "I'd appreciate any feedback -- whether you think I'm doing a good job, or if you think I smell like poop." *thumbs up* Good job, but you do have a faint aroma about you, don't forget to shower.

"Snakes are so unpleasant, but so cute... oh, I do not know what I may be saying." Who says that? It's been a looonngg time since I heard an EB quote I couldn't recognize.

Who refers to Paula as "girlie girl"? Silly TAFKACC, that's EASY. The guy in the Twoson bus station, when Ness has been rendered unconscious.

- STAREYe

Well bubster, you're dealing with me now. So no l33t points for you, ahashahahahahha. But you can potentially earn a Totally Sweet point, which will make you a Ninja after five.

Speaking of Ninjas, SimonBob wouldn't be one if it wasn't for me. Better recognize, sucka! Anyway, I myself have been getting into reading the fics lately. I've managed to read two or three of the Group Fics in the "Gaiden" Section, simply because I participated in the later ones but never read the earlier ones. I'll admit that group fics can be very confusing if you weren't involved in them, so approach with caution.

Actually, Anthadd is short for Anth's name. Anthony Addison, your secret is out, bwahahahaahhahaahha

I can personally verify the trivia -- it is the guy in the Twoson Bus station. Can't verify the other quote, though. Oh well.

And I do not smell. :(

What's with the mystery writers? Stand up for your opinions as yourself! You shouldn't have to hide under a mask.

- [Name Withheld]

THE SHEER INTENDED IRONY HERE HAS CUT ME SO HARD THAT I AM BLEEDING FROM MY THROAT, SOMEONE CALL THE HOSPITAL

I think the Mystery stuff is over with. "Author Unknown" of "History of #earthbound" fame is no more, mostly because his articles turned pretty flameish.

Will Mother 1+2 make it to North America? Yes, I believe they will. I don't think that I'm neccessarily optimistic about this, but I believe that they'll make it to the states. Nintendo needs RPG's, and Mother 1+2 will work; they seem to like the remake game as well, with all these NES or SNES classics resurfacing on GBA. By the way, I can't wait for Super Mario Brothers 3 for GBA. Even though I already have it.

I think that a lot of EB Merchandise would be really cool, but I'd never end up buying any of it. I'm about to be a poor college student, and I have no real job. I don't really spend my money on too much.

Now let's get down to the important part: Simonbob and his awesomeness. Simonbob is indeed awesome, and a banishment from the internet would truely be a horrible thing. Do I read fanfics? Not really. I did read The Greatest IF Ever though, because it's awesome and I was a part of it and so was the awesome Simonbob. I wasn't a real big fan of READING the Gaiden series though, even though I had a good time writing them (well, most of the time.) I never really read many single stories though. Fanfics never really appealed to me, and there's no way to tell if you're reading something worth reading.

But the bottom line is that Simonbob is awesome.

- Skulryk

Skul, I have the same college money problem, and I think I have a solution. If you and I pooled our money, we'll have just enough...to buy a 16 oz bottle of Coke from the vending machine. Oh well.

The RPG trend is swinging back around, isn't it? Now with Square back with Nintendo, we should be seeing them even more, which means a good market for the genre. So there's a good chance of seeing it come overseas, if you look at it from that vantage point.

I agree that SimonBob is quite the awesome duder, but I have to say that your comment on only reading those you wrote on interests me. Putting aside those who don't fanfics themselves, how many writers read their fellow author's work? I'm sure most only re-read their own stuff, or that of their close friends, but never venture out to read anything more than that. I also think that if writers did read other people's stuff, it'd be more for a competition's sake, as in to judge how good their own writing was in relation to others. I think that's one major weakness in the fanfic section and why you don't see a lot of people saying that they read fics - everyone likes to think that they write well, and they don't want to see someone else who writes better than they do. But that's just my silly tangent, now.

So, yeah. I don't know how to end this response.

First and foremost, it's not my fault that I have novel-length letters. I'm a writer, so it's not my fault. Second, I'm glad you were confused on my explanation, because that was my aim. I've never seen Gigyas, so I made up the most complicated answer imaginable so that it couldn't be disputed. I guess it must of worked :)

Now, the real topics. Mother 1+2. I believe it will come out in North America, but even still it's highly likely it will be another 10 years down the line. Or maybe not. As for whether or not starmen.net plays/ed a hand in that, it is to be seen. It seems to be a large and determined community, and philosophers always say that large and determined communities will prevail. Or maybe they didn't, but they should have!

EB merchandise is actually one thing I'm not too big on. I don't generally buy video game merchandise (except one bad case a few years back, and a really cool Zelda64 cel-shading picture). But, I always would enjoy EB breakfast items; cereals, waffles, etc.

I've never read the fanfictions here on sm.net. I don't know why, but I just haven't... I'm still seeing about writing that one, and I'm still waiting anxiously for the Mailbag Topic/s where we would write in histories of other characters, such as Mr. Saturn, the Tendas, Master Belch/Barf, etc.

And, Falcon, sorry about that big NO. It would have been a good idea to have your own point system (then maybe I'd have a blasted chance at getting a point once in a while!). It was a good idea.

Anyway, I believe the volume of text in this letter is probably greater than any other 3 combined, so I must stop writing. I leave once more with: dilapidated armadillo.

- masterzora

I don't really think that it'll be another ten years or so down the road. That'd be a little crazy, I do think that if there is possibility of porting it, we will know by the end of this year or the next. Keep in mind that Mother 1+2 only came out a little under a month ago, so it's still relatively new in Japan, so it will take some time to come over here anyway.

EarthBound cereal would truly be the breakfast of champions. I can just picture Pokey-O's, complete with marshmallow Bats, Giygas blobs and Krakens. Truly a nifty idea, so I'm going to go ahead and give you a Totally Sweet Point for that. :D

Definitely write a fanfic, if you're looking into it. More fanfics are always good, and judging by your letters, you seem like a competent if not talented individual who could write a good one. So go for it! But you might want to finish EarthBound first. ;)

Oh, and don't worry about guru's NO. I'm in semi-charge now, so I'll be doing a l33t to Totally Sweet conversion. Plus, you have one of the very first already, so hooray!

I would prolly say that Mother 1+2 (& 3) have a 50/50 chance of being released here. I think it really boils down to how many EB fans make themselves visible to NoA. If it is released, however, I would say that Starmen.Net would have helped only by letting NoA know that a fraction of us are actively doing our homework on NoJ news(of course there would be more sales than just Starmen.Net frequenters, though).

The only merchandise I could think of that I'd want would be either any of kind of EB plushies or perhaps plastics versions of the famous EB clay figures. If YOU guys decide to sell more stuff, please make it the Jonk EB music CDs. I would KILL for those. I would burn my EB cart for one. But alas, nothing short of saving Jonk from a raging river will get me one. JONK I LOVE YOU I WANT THE CDS I'LL GIVE YOU A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS.

Fanfics? No I don't have time. Reading requires alot of time, which doesn't fit in with my 40+ hour workweek.

Peace out.

- Sunny Kraken

Oh man, don't burn your EB cart, those things are rare these days. :(

I would love to know how much of the EarthBound fanbase Starmen.Net alone constitutes. It's probably true that we're only a small percentage of the total potential buyers, but we're the crazy ones that Nintendo can depend on getting their money's worth out of. ;D. I agree that is good to be slightly wary of the prospect of release, though. Not good to get our hopes up, but it's still nice enough to dream. :D

As for Jonk's CDs, they're some pretty awesome stuff, but I don't think we'd be selling them. They're gifts, mostly because they're compilations of artist's fan contributions, and it would be wrong of Starmen.Net to profit off of their work without giving them a cut. So they're just given out as gifts and such to people who contribute to the site. So hey, there's one good reason to be active in things around here! Go for it, maybe you'll get one.

And those clay figures rock. I wish they would put them up for sale, or at least a recreation of them.

Earthbound merchandise I would like to see? I would love to see a Gameboy Advance SP Earthbound Version with something like a Mr.Saturn indention on the corner of the system. Kind of like that orange Pokemon one Nintendo released awhile ago. Some other Earthbound mechandise that would be cool would be like a Earthbound duffel bag or an Earthbound Jersey. Hey!Maybe you guys at starmen.net or whoever does all the merchandise on starmen.net could make an Earthbound Jersey! That would be cool.

Wouldn't it be awesome if Earthbound was released here and became a major hit? Wizards of the Coast would make an Earthbound TCG and Nintendo would have an Earthbound cartoon that would air on the WB. There would be cheesy Earthbound clothes sold at Wal-Mart and religous cults saying Earthbound was evil! You could find counterfiet Earthbound items such as first edition Kraken Foil cards at the local flea market!Oh that would be awesome!

- Jeff Maxwell

Starmen.Net probably would have made all that stuff already if we could have, since we're such nuts over here. But we can't because we'd get sued. :( The merchandise we have is strictly and carefully reviewed by our wonderful webmasters for subtlety to make sure no copyrights are infringed. Still, it would be very cool to see some GBA mods or other such things. Although, I can't particularly agree with you that it would be a great thing if EarthBound became a phenomenon ala Pok駑on.

To be honest, it's only been a few years and it seems as if the whole Pok駑on craze has died out at this point. We as EB fans would probably want EarthBound to have some cultural longevity instead of a quick burst of popularity for a few years and then DEATH. It'd be the same thing as if Ness, Jeff, Poo, Picky and Tony formed a boy band under the license of Exit Mouse Records, and they sung about How much I love you girl with the frying pan and My heart says yes but my IQ stat says no, and it'd get pretty lame after a couple of years. And by "a couple of years" I mean three seconds.

What EarthBound merchandise would you like to see?

Hello again! Back from a vacation in scenic Teneseesee, it's iceemaker! (TM patent pending) Well, some merchandise, eh? Well, there's obviously the Mr. Saturn plush. Who wouldn't love to have their own little whiskery orange ball of love? Oh! I know! Mr. Saturn figurines (poseable!), Mr. Saturn screensaver, Mr. Saturn tea cozy, Mr. Saturn gravy boat, Mr. Saturn bath curtains, Mr. Saturn pillow case, the list goes on. Of course, if you're one of those freaks that doesn't like Mr. Saturn, you can always opt for a Ness tea cozy, but I don't know who in the world would want THAT...

Until next week,

-iceemaker

Omg Mr. Saturn Gravy Boat Boing

That is an awesome idea. I think of this gravy boat my parents have that is a turkey, and it opens up and you put the gravy inside, and I can just imagine a ceramic Mr. Saturn with gravy inside his head. : )

Also, I think we've established that Ness on household and intimate clothing items is not a good idea at all, as evidenced by SLing's suggestion. *shudder*

Dear Falcon Twenty Four,

How are you today? I'm delighted to hear about your lovely new sunflowers. I hear they grow really high in the summertime.

I sure hope you don't decree me to be banned from the Internet. It's awfully hard to lead the people with amazing Fanfic goodness and EBFGP and stuff like that when I'm not allowed to go online. I'd have to update over the phone, dictating my evil plans to a lackey who would probably screw it all up with hilarious consequences. It'd be like Weekend At Bernie's only with a phone and I wouldn't be dead. My lackey's name would probably be something like Joenathan or Stevebo or something, too. I'd be all "Stevebo! Why didn't you put index.php in the correct folder!" or "Stevebo! Did you use my password to put pictures of your fishing trip in the Articles folder?" Sure, it all sounds like fun and games now, but in a week or two everyone would see that it was causing the total ruination of the site.

Anyway, I'm doing well here in my lonely mountain cage. reid says they'll let me go swimming sometime next month with an FBI escort if I promise not to go within 100 feet of a straight razor. He didn't say anything about Mach 3 Turbos, though. *twitch*

- SimonBob ps. send pie

Dear Simon Roberts,

There shall beeeeee no pie for theeee.

You shall be spared from the wrath of internet banning this fateful morn, for you have proven your awesomness through your submission of a letter, and have gained the support of the people. Although I find the image of you updating over the phone amusing, but not due to the idea of giving orders to a lackey. I picture it more as you speaking internet code or perhaps dialup sounds into a phone that is dialed into fanfics ftp, and by making unintelligible sounds you end up updating. Although, since you are not fluent in the language of phone lines, you would end up turning the fanfics section into a shrine dedicated to Yoko Ono or perhaps Tony Danza. But no one would notice because no one goes to your section bwahahahaha - err, kidding. ;D

Fear not, my companion in crime, for I have enlisted a task force of deadly Ninja Assassins to rescue you from your cage. The Two Kings must not be separated!

Your web buddy,

- Falcon24

This was the first (maybe only) mailbag that I did entirely by myself, and let me say, it was a challenge. I enjoyed responding to you guys, but I hope to get a co-responder for next week, since it's still a hefty workload. :/

The concensus appears to be that Mother 1+2 will be released here in the States (and possibly Europe), given a number of hints dropped by Nintendo and a the current gamer's market trends. However, most people agree that it is wise to maintain a restrained optimism, so no one gets their hopes up if it doesn't come over here.

Most people seem to love the idea of EarthBound plushies, especially one of Mr. Saturn. The second most sought after bit of merchandise involved any kind of clothing, especially T-shirts and the like. Of course, there were several unique responses to this topic, ranging from EarthBound board games to EarthBound breakfast foods, all of which I would heartily endorse and spend good hard-earned money on. And you should too.

The people agree that SimonBob is completely awesome, and henceforth shall remain unbanned from the internet. However, regardless of the Bob-man's popularity, it seems that there aren't many people who actually read fanfics. Some think that too many liberties are taken with the stories, others say they have no time. Those who do read only seem to read the ones they or their friends have written. Take my advice people, and check out the local fanfics section today! It's got some great stuff in there, and if you appreciate SimonBob's greatness, you will comply. Bwahahahahaha.

No one wanted to answe my question about Trip Records from last week. It could have netted one of you lucky mailbaggers your very own Totally Sweet Point, but no, you ignored it, so I will kep this point for myself to use on those lonely pointless nights. :( For the record, Trip Records was a weirdo recording label that Buzz-Buzz managed to negotiate into a server deal in the early, early EarthBound.Net days. It wasn't that good, in reality it was super crappy compared to even the worst of the servers Starmen.Net has been on in the past. Only Buzz-Buzz knows why an EarthBound site ended up on a record label's webspace to begin with, so we here will never know why.

l33t to Totally Sweet Point conversion has begun! We had four Totally Sweet Points given out today. Two went to Torankusu for the awesome new banner he sent in. Also, Magnus and masterzora earn a point respectively for their awesome merchandise ideas. As you can tell, I'm probably easier to impress than guru is, so here's your chance to cash in ahahahahahha

TOTALLY SWEET POINT STANDINGS:

Skulryk: 3
Torankusu: 2
Mattchu: 2
Ness: 1
Madfish: 1
M.Z.: 1
GuyInSummers: 1
MikeTheEBGuru: 1
EBFan2000: 1
fireside: 1
Hawian Shirts: 1
Super Psycic Psyco: 1
StAREYe: 1
StarmanDeluxe: 1
Tessie Watching Hippie: 1
Psionic Brawler: 1
chay: 1
Eric: 1
tony: 1
Jeff Maxwell: 1
Mystery Dude: 1
Magnus: 1
masterzora: 1
YOU: 0
guruzeth: -50 for lame jokes ;D

Falc, SimonBob, and Mike's Archive:

July 15, 2003: Mother 1+2 US Release, EB Merchandise, Fanfics
July 20, 2003: M 1+2 Import, Sanctuary Locations, Trivia League
July 28, 2003: EBFGPS, Sword of Kings, Time Capsule feat. pre-staff SimonBob
August 9, 2003: Starmen.Net Forums feat. Grandpa
August 17, 2003: Mailbag Improvement Week feat. PappyCat
September 16, 2003: Fun Stuff Suggestions feat. Sephy
October 7, 2003: Petition Mention feat. Skulryk
October 20, 2003: EarthBound the Movie
October 28, 2003: Free Topic Week feat. Giovanni
November 6, 2003: Halloween Funfest 2003 feat. Jim
November 9, 2003: Starmen.net Radio feat. Picky
November 15, 2003: Alternate EarthBound Sites feat. DarthAndonuts
November 22, 2003: #earthbound feat. Carpainter
November 29, 2003: Staff Improvement feat. AoE
December 14, 2003: Forum Improvement feat. Atticus
December 17, 2003: Holiday Funfest
January 2, 2004: EB No Matsuri
January 10, 2004: Starmen.net Site Development
January 19, 2004: EarthBound in 2004
January 24, 2004: EarthBound Quotes
January 31, 2004: Mother 1 Soundtrack Re-release
February 8, 2004: EarthBound Over Easy
February 15, 2004: Change of Pace
February 22, 2004: Favourite Foodstuffs feat. Steve-o
February 29, 2004: Killed Off
March 21, 2004: Catch A Bunch
March 27, 2004: Then and Now feat. Steve-o
April 5, 2004: Winter Funfest Results feat. Carpainter
April 12, 2004: Something Springy feat. Jamie_M
April 20, 2004: 1+2=what now? feat. Dash
May 1, 2004: New Forums
June 1, 2004: The Site That Gives Back
June 29, 2004: Wacky Genetic Experiments
July 18, 2004: E3 Speculations
August 11, 2004: Summer Funfest feat. Tomato & AmzRigh
September 23, 2004: EBFGPS04
October 23, 2004: Vacation Special
October 30, 2004: Soundtrack Songs
November 6, 2004: Site Fundraiser
November 14, 2004: Halloween
November 28, 2004: EarthBound Influence
December 11, 2004: Scientific Errors
January 17, 2005: Space Time Conundrum
January 28, 2005: Is Mother 3 Coming?

TAFKACC's Archive:

May 25, 2003: Starmen.Net's Future, EB Date, Ness's Nightmare
June 1, 2003: Mailbag Length, Online Walkthru, EB Theory Special
June 8, 2003: EB Characters in Mother 3, Flukes, Mailbag Critique
June 28, 2003: Articles Debate, Pokey's Past, Topic Suggestions
July 6, 2003: Xod Tribute, PK Call'n, EB Trivia

GuyInSummers and StarmanDeluxe's Archive:

Here is the Hall of Fame, which contains the best letters from each week.