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The topic for last week's mailbag was: Scientific Error - Right, right, we all know you gotta put the disbelief on "suspend" to play EarthBound, but this week I'm asking everybody to put their thinking caps on and find all the scientific impossibilities they can. Like, how does that meteor slam into the hilltop without exploding the heck out of everything inside a five-mile radius? (It'd be a real short game otherwise...) Bonus points to anyone who adds physics equations and proofs to their nitpicking! Well, no proofs. But maybe it's better that way. |
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Hello and welcome to scientific theater.
Today I am going to explain what I think is an infamy in earthbound. What is illogical. What does not work. I want to talk about the most unfair matter I can find. Captain Strong's Mambo Tango Fox Trot Martial Arts, of course. How unfair and evil :( Let me explain my point, and you'll see. First of all, let's enter a battle against the so-mentionned Fox Trot Martial Arts user. When he uses his various attacks on myself (so-named attacks are various punches and kicks, put togheter as the MTFXMA) he deals about 30 hp of damage. Now, let's enter a battle versus a spinning robot. This robot, as you may know, uses various beams of high-powered energy that could pierce metal and make it melt. Here, he fired a beam on me, and I receive only 16 hp of damage. The MTFXMA are so unfair, they deal more damage than lasers. How unscientific too. I'm going home. - poik007  I can explain that, actually. A high-powered energy beam, or "laser," is just a single attack, but a martial arts combo move is several attacks. So a bunch of little hits, say five of them at six HP each, will total up to 30 HP in about the same amount of time as a single laser can deal 16 HP. You see? Perfectly logical! --- SimonBob |
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I figured out why many things in EarthBound are scientifically false- it's an RPG from Japan!
- Jeff Andonuts On behalf of the entire Japanese community: ouch. --- SimonBob |
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The unscientific crap that goes on in that game is both frequent and hilarious. But listing it is boring so I'll just spout out some stuff about why there's so much unscientific stuff in the game.
It was all started by the bold and radical scientists of the 60's and their crazy drug induced experiments. These experiments caused a major gas leak in the air and gave the entire world of EarthBound a crazy mass halucination involving a chicken and a small inuit man named Pepe. Anyways, the gas leak caused a rift in the ozone layer and caused sunlight to come pouring onto the scientist's lab. However the scientists were prepared for this ahead of time however and reflected the light into outer space with a giant mirror. The sunlight somehow caused a rift in the universe and therefore made the laws of physics no longer apply to the crazy world below. And that my friends is the simple story of how the mass scientific errors are possible in EarthBound. The solution? Fire. And lots of it. - Flying Zamboni 2 Oh, that's your solution for everything. My favourite part of this letter is "However the scientists were prepared for this ahead of time however". I don't think you raised an issue, but I take what I can get. --- SimonBob |
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Hey, it was a dream. Dreams make no sense. Especially mine. Whenever I dream I'm Spider-Man, I never can climb walls. It makes me sad.
Anyway, hmm...uh...wow, this is a tough topic... Here's one...when the meteor...crap, you did that already... Okay, y'know what? I hate this topic, so I'm just gonna rant about Metroid Prime 2. It's freaking awesome. Seriously. In fact, freaking awesome is an understatement. This game SURPASSES the first, which is no mean feat. Halo 2 may have better multiplayer, but Prime 2 takes the solo award. For one thing, the graphics are more viewtiful than Joe. The whole thing looks like an interactive CGI movie. No exaggeration. And the music fits it perfectly, I have yet to find a flaw in the ambience of the game. For another thing, the gameplay is the same winning formula from the first Prime. Only really minor changes. The Scan Visor's easier to use, which is good, 'cause I like to scan literally everything I come across. See, THAT'S how you uncover the story, by scanning anything and everything. Lazy reviewers! However, only a couple flaws: for one thing, after playing Halo 2, the lack of dual stick control takes some getting used to. Maybe in Metroid Prime 3 they'll include multiple control settings akin to Hunters for DS. The second flaw: some bosses are way too hard. The Boost Guardian was pure evil in a form of pure evil. It was near-invincible. The multiplayer may be bad, but Halo 2's single-player is as well. So it evens out. And, in the slightly biased view of a Nintendo fanboy, I name Metroid Prime 2 Game of the Forever. Now, I think I'll go play it some more. - Banana Kid I went and rented the game, and I gotta say, Space Pirates are the awesomest unified force in the whole galaxy. The Federation is made up entirely of losers. Also, Rear Window is a great movie. --- SimonBob |
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i just want news on earthbound
- mike I hope you were here the other day when Tomato revealed that Mother 3 might be coming out after all! Here's the link, in case you missed it. --- SimonBob |
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Being that it's landing on top of a mountain, you can explain why the windows aren't broken.
--Well, maybe at Pokey's house... But take a look inside Lier X Agerate's house--the floor's pretty much messed up in some case. But then again that meteor is so small! Just be thankful it wasn't a comet or an asteroid! And to add on to that theory, it's probably the very Apple of Enlightenment thingy that few people mention in this game. - EarthBoundFan2004 Small? Small? I'll have you know, that meteor is at least twice the size of Ness, alright? So it's probably a good twelve feet in diameter. Nevertheless, you're probably halfway right; a meteor the size of the one in the game should really break up in the atmosphere, and wouldn't cause any noticeable damage. So the real question is, what's the meteor doing on the hill in the first place? Yeah, you're right, it's probably the AoE. (I'd say you're wrong but I'm too tired to think of my own theory.) --- SimonBob |
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G'day. This is so off topic. But anyway.
Basically, my favourite song of all time is off Earthbound (AKA Mother 2), but yeah I'm pretty sure it is called "smiles and tears" -- the song that is played during the last section of the credits, with the photographs scrolling, and the staff etc. etc. And this bring me to my questions two: 1) Is that song actually called Smiles and Tears? Or is it called "Because I Love You"? And if "Because I Love You" is a completely different song which is it? 2) Does anyone know who composed it exactly? The credits do list a couple of composers but there are also quite a few "additional composers" and that's why its really confusing. Any help would be AMAZINGLY appreciated. But yeah. I was thinking about asking around but yeah I though this site is where I should be asking first. -- Nic ^_^ "Smiles and Tears" is definitely the song over the credits. "Because I Love You" is the slowed-down version of the Fourside theme that plays when you're walking around during the ending. My composer list has Keiichi Suzuki, Hirokazu Tanaka, and Hiroshi Kanazu as the composers, but I don't know if that means they did different stuff or what. I'm pretty sure Keiichi Suzuki did all the primary songwriting in the game, though. Thanks for writing! --- SimonBob |
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Aww, you're so silly SiomonBob!!!
I know that reid has a girlfriend! She's probably a really nice girl, I know who she is, yes. I'm sorry if that sounded like a personal ad. Tee hee! I never stay on the topic because I have sooo many things to tell you! Is Canada really happyful-awesome like? I bet it is. Better than Florida, that's for sure. Um, my cousin, CJ (not the cousin mentioned last time) made up a word called Frodis and then we saw the SM.net forum member Fordis, and we werer like "Woah, dude! That's crazy!!! I'm going to write more later but I have to go now so you can add the two parts of my letters. You new bestest friend on the mailbag, Gloob Here's my othe part of the letter! So, anyway, I'm on my school's "Morning Show" and I'm told that I'm a natural for acting! *flips hair* No, really I'm not like that except in jest. But I have been told I'm a natural. I have two cats. Fluffy is a really, sweet and old kitty. And Kirby is a fat kitty that is playful and likes to chase Fluffy around. My cousin (not CJ) likes to draw and she can draw very well. She drew me a paper doll of reidman and right now the only clothes I cut our for him was a dress so he is clothed in that as of now. (Don't worry, the underwear are un-removable). Should I send you pictures of it? Don't you just love getting these letters from me where I obsess about Reidsy? I recently went to Ohio with my cousins. It was really fun. I wrote reid a letter about it. My cousin and I were real jerks when we first started posting together (on the forums) and even were a little bit after that. I would like to say sorry. Your bestest ever in the world mailbag buddy, Gloob I had a conversation with my cousin recently it went like this. Me: Oh, I wrote to SimonBob in the mailbag section. He answered two of my letters. My cousin: SimonBob's nice. Me: He sure is. Teehee! - Gloob I think the word is flabbergasted. Three letters in one week is a new record, I think... --- SimonBob |
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Obviously, the meteor, but let us not forget the wide selection of flora and fauna that attack you, needless to mention the fact that several of them talk. Also, what about mushrooms growing on heads? Sure, you can get funguses on your body, but a cranial toadstool? What about the fire spring? I mean, surely a 13 year old boy with tender skin along with several like-aged friends would have been crispy kids, walking as close as they had to lava. Which brings me to my next point. The subterranean world, with the dinosaurs? First off, the interior of the earth is layers of dirt, clay, rock, and then liquid hot magma, not prehistoric paradise with long-extinct critters. Bags don't provide endless snakes with an occasional venomous one. There are no such things as Saturns, sad as it is to admit. Zombies don't talk, let alone exist, earthly attempts to make flying saucers (the sky runner) have, officially, never been successful, and stonehenge is in the middle of a large plain, not in the middle of Bing Crosby's snowbound wonderful life forest. Mythical aqautic reptiles do not provide rides across lakes, let alone allow themselves to be summoned by monkeys floated aloft by oxygen-filled bubbles of gum. Need I go on? How is it possible, in a dream state, to purchase delicious magic puddings, give them to your sister in your dream state, and have her be holding them in the real world when you awake? How does a simple little pin deflect 1.5 gigavolt blasts of positively charged lightning? The heat alone would melt the darn thing. Sesame seeds, black, or white, do NOT have romances, let alone speak. Hippies don't paralyze you by brushing your teeth (Though, I might be momentarily stunned, given their notoriously bad personal hygiene) How can you be standing in the middle of a swamp, hold up a "For Sale" sign, and have a woman who looks like she just got back from the hair salon rush over, and ask, in what I assume to be a brooklyn accent "What are ya peddlin'?" You know, with Earthbound, that I, and many others, could certainly go on...and on...and on.
Danny We already solved the meteor's riddles. The flora and fauna are under Giygas's influence, and besides, haven't you ever read Day Of The Triffids? Plants can totally walk. Head-toadstools are just an aggravated form of athlete's foot. Lava can cool down quite a bit and still flow. There's at least a few good miles worth of interior crust where dinosaurs could live. There's a hole in the bag; the snakes sneak back in when you're not looking. I'll grant you the Saturns, but you can actually make someone a zombie by feeding them this crazy root that poisons and paralyses them, and then you bury them and dig them up three days later and they're catatonic. Those unsuccessful flying saucers failed because they crashed, right? Well, so does the Sky Runner. Hah! It snows in Scotland too, y'know. I rode a plastic swan across a lake once, that's close enough. Magic pudding is just that delicious. The Franklin Badge is a BADGE, not a pin! Sesame seeds don't even come in black, it must be a poppyseed. Heh, heh, hippies smell. The "For Sale" sign has a GPS chip in it; hangers-on to Ness's success would totally follow him for the chance to buy his stuff as souvenirs, but would be polite enough to wait until he called them. Whew! --- SimonBob |
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Greetings and Candy for you and yours.
That Which is Not and Should Never Be: 1. Despite what some pretty hilarious websites would have you believe, PSI is a scientific impossibility as far as I am aware. 2. A giant ant that not only talks, but summons minions at will. This goes for the rest of the bosses, though I wouldn't put it past American scientists to create a combat-ready dog comprised primarily of diamonds. 3. A statue that controls minds and opens doorways to alternate dimensions? Not even the Statue of Liberty, the greatest statue of them all, can do that. 4. Ghosts. Not even Bill Murray could convince me of their existence. 5. Zombies. Let me clarify. When I say zombies, I mean those of the undead, brain-feeding variety. I'm not counting people who can't go through their day without watching MTV, or those poor souls who take diet advice from Dr. Phil. 6. Krakens. Despite what you may have seen on a Norse map, no Krakens have been found as of yet. 7. Teleportation. Well, we can't teleport anything close to people yet, so i'm counting it. 8. Modern medicine cannot revive people from death after a period of 20 minutes. 9. Talking animals. A talking bee and dog? I think not. 10. Time Travel. Sorry to bust your bubble Back to the Future and Donnie Darko fans, but no luck. Don't try to be smart either and point out that we are in fact always traveling in time - in a linear fashion, from the present to the immediate future, inexorably, until death. You know what i'm reffering to. If you disagree, take it up with Occam's Razor or Stephen Hawking's variant on the Fermi Paradox(with time travelers instead of alien visitors.) Farewell, and good day. - Madfish I was with you right until you got to Occam's Razor. Occam lived in an age where if it looked like scurvy, it was probably scurvy. He didn't have to deal with atomic power robots and universal cosmic destroyers. His razor's so dull, it's on par with a supermodel's brain. Bam! I'm hot tonight. --- SimonBob |
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I'm willing to suspend my belief for the meteor, time travel, and the enlightening effects of hallucinogenic baked goods, but how it is that Mr. Saturns can climb ladders (let alone perform life saving operations, make tea, build houses, work assembly lines and assist in constructing devices that travel through time and space)? Sticky feet? Incredibly dextrous nostrils?
Mr. Saturns are kind of gross, in that light. - Casgair Yes, yes they are, and thanks a lot for making me think about it. I'm trying to eat breakfast here! --- SimonBob |
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First, you are very evil for suggesting that I include any proofs at all. Oh the horrible days of Geometry....
Anyway, this will be short and to the point. The thing that struck me the most odd in the whole game doesn't have too much to do with scientific error, but is strange none-the-less. Why in the world did Ness' mom allow her 13 year old son to leave home and travel the globe with three people he had never met before? Pretty careless mother if you ask me. But then again, it would be a pretty boring game if you sat in the house all day waiting to get older. Plus, after doing all of that traveling all over the world, Ness, only at the end of the game, has a birthday the next week. It seems to me like the whole "saving the world" thing would take a while. But hey, game designers do what they want. Fine with me. Goodness me the oven's on fire. I must go. Cheery-o. ~xfisjmg1 That's not an oven, you just poured gasoline on the chair in the living room! Also, everyone knows that 13 is the age you go on an adventure and worry the heck out of your mother. I remember my 13-year-old adventure, it involved badminton. I'll tell you when you're older. --- SimonBob |
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Dalaam, a land in the sky.
Okay that sentence automaticly makes Dalaam a scientific error. A land in the sky? How can that be!? The only way it COULD POSSIBLY float in the sky is if Dalaam's magnetic polls were south(on top) and north(on bottom) instead of north(on top) and south(on bottom) and it SOMEHOW was able to break free of the earth. Of course Dalaam could be on a mountain, but how were the inhabitants even able to survive up there? You see, above the clouds there is not enough air to enable human beings to survive. Why else do you need oxygen tanks to climb Mt. Everest? If acient people WERE able to get to Dalaam, how can they live in an oxygen deprived environment? They couldn't just "get used to it", it's not in their genetic code!!! The first people of Dalaam would have to have been genetic freeks that can survive longer than ordinary humans in an oxygen deprived environment, but it would have taken thousands of years for the offspring of the first people of Dalaam the ability to live there for a natural lifespan. And that brings another improbability! If Poo was able to survive in Dalaam, wouldn't he die of the overload of oxygen in our normal environment? IT'S A CONSPARACY!!!!!!!!!!!! *Gunshots* - Tenopii You do realize that Dalaam is home to some of the smartest, most enlightened people in all of EarthBound, right? It makes sense that they'd know how to float an island into the sky. At least there are no mysterious streams of water pouring off the edge, like the kingdom of Zeal. --- SimonBob |
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Well nesskid here and first of all I would like to say, "BAH WHAT THE HECK!!!" For some reason unknown to me I have been banned from the forums. I voted in one of Earthboundfan2004's poll's then I tryed to go to Earthbound disscusion and it said "Your prevese actions have resulted in you being ban forever thank you good bye" If this has anything to do with that mushroom badge I WILL KILL. Anyway as far as impossiblities in Earthbound I don't understand how pulling out a honking huge diamond can light up an entire swamp. I mean even if Jeff rigged up some way to shine a light into it at the right angel that would just make it very brite and not light the whole dang swamp.
- Nesskid All the people who got banned should be unbanned now. As for the magic of the Hawk Eye, maybe it only lights an immediate area of the swamp that just happens to be slightly bigger than your TV screen. What I'm really wondering is where Jeff found an angel to shine a light into the Eye with! When did he have time to go to heaven? --- SimonBob |
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How come many of my fluke scenes bring up the message "(Insert Scene Here).bmp was not found". It occured with both Chaos Theater's, The bmg. Deep Darkness, the Blue Hallway, and others. How can I fix this?
- hysterical12345 Are you extracting the bitmaps from the .zip file first? If you don't do that then it could screw things up for you. That's all I can think of, sorry. --- SimonBob |
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How come if you don't eat a bunch of salt packets by themselves you don't die? And why don't you get salmonella after eating 10000 fresh eggs? Seriously. Why don't your teeth fall out after eating a ton of rock candy? AND WHY DO YOU SPONTANEOUSLY GET STRONGER? And how do you 'cure' diamondization?
- Radiation I can eat salt packets or fresh eggs in real life a lot faster than I can in EarthBound, what with the menu and the selecting and the pointing and stuff. So to eat 10,000 of either of those items would take a much longer time than I'd care to guess. If you wanna waste all that time eating all those items, then hey, feel free to complain afterwards. Rock Candy makes me deliciously stronger, and smarter too! It's the way the sugar mixes with the stick or string that does it, y'know. Finally, how do you 'get' diamondization in the first place? Two bizarre oddities make a logical explanation, I suppose... --- SimonBob |
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never mind all the scientific mumbo jumbo, what i'm about to talk about is WHERE ARE ALL THE BATHROOMS IN THE HOUSES OF THE TOWNS OF EARTHBOUND??? seriously where does a hero like ness go when nature calls? alls I can say is that there water bill can't be that much of a cost if there are no showers. hmmm maybe that's how they all defeated there enemies with there evil smelly powers. Also i just want to say i was reading game informer magazine from the december issue of this month and on page 202 there is an article all aobut earthbound being one of the best games of all time I just though i added that in to. Good bye for now, freinds!
- jason The bathrooms are all at the bottom of the screen, that's why you can't see the doors leading to them. Or everyone goes behind trees and in tunnels. Eww, I can't believe I typed that. Let's move on. --- SimonBob |
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Hello. This site is great. I have two questions, if Jeffman still continuing his adventure for every 1/128 item and the other question is everytime I try to change the battle musics in PKHack version .3 beta and I quit the program and get back on at a later time, I can't edit the enemies and it shuts down the program. What i'm I doing wrong? Please help?
- Trae Graves JeffMan's big adventure is still ongoing, but because of school starting again, he's had to cut it down to weekends. It's tough to get that Goddess Ribbon, y'know. The Ghost of Starman is one of the hardest enemies in the game. As for PK Hack, stick to the non-beta version. It's "beta" as in "pre-release," not as in "pk hack beta 300 damage!" I've never had any problems with version point-two. Have fun hacking! --- SimonBob |
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