Back in December I posted somewhere that I'd be gone for a while. I was right. In fact, I was more right than I had overestimated for. School has swallowed me whole, like so many Krispy Kreme donuts from our kitchen table.

However, I am back for a little under a month (yay for Christmas break) - one glorious month in which I fully expect we shall change everything about Starmen.Net as you know it today, from the forum to the fanart and from the graphics to the gimmicks (like alliteration). The purpose of this Big Inspirational Message(tm) is to let you guys know whats been going on and to prepare you for what's to come. Some huge, huge changes are coming, and I assure that all of them are very, very good.

Since this Big Inspirational Message is so massive and inspirational (be careful, it might suck you under), I've divided it up into useful questions and categories that many young site visitors like yourself have to deal with in those turbulent years of being a `regular':

-Starmen.Net: Slump #32,509
-Of Funfests and Flukes
-How to deal with the emotional stress of jerks
-New Starmen.Net Infrastructure/Design
-Finish Him!! Petitionality
-The Great Forum Regooditization of 2002

Starmen.Net: Slump #32,509
Anyone who has been here for a few years should probably understand the cycle by now. It starts out well; something big and cool happens at the site, and everyone is all `yay' and `:B' and `lets party like its 1999' and stuff. So people are posting like crazy, there are lots of main page updates, etc. However, shortly thereafter, everything settles slowly into a slump. Updates are scarce, sometimes going as long as two days without any at all. Forum posts are rare and usually cynical/negative/boring. This is just the way of life at Starmen.Net.

As you can probably surmise, we're in a bit of a slump right now, and that's part of the reason for this letter. Updates are definitely slow, and even though we're in the middle of a funfest, things are still sorta dragging. Most of the staffers are still doing pretty good (Tomato covered this well in his letter, go read it.). However, I must give massive props to Eggy and Simonbob, who did an amazing job and is doing an incredible job with the funfest (respectively). Good work guys :)

Of Funfests and Flukes
I must admit, however, that there is one thing about the funfests that is seriously bothering me. The number of flukes being submitted to the funfest is huge. Massive. Way too big. Normally I wouldn't complain about there being a lot of entries, but when 98% of them are flukes (and an equal percentage aren't even funny), I have to say something. If you're going to submit something, please make it something which requires time and thought and originality, or any combination of the three. A handful of flukes are cool if they're done right, but they've become like a case of funfest leprosy. They're causing the proverbial appendages of our beautiful funfests to fall off, which is making everyone sad. Entries like this one are great. The reason why? Because it took thought. Its original. The submitter didn't have to open MS Paint to make it. Your submissions don't have to be the kind of stuff thats fit for hanging in an art gallery, we're not overly concerned with people being hugely talented. Anyway, yeah. I just had to get that out. Sorry if you're a big fluke fan, but there's just too many of them.

How to deal with the emotional stress of jerks
Aside from the lack of activity on the site, our biggest problem is people being dumb on the forum. This definitely gets the most points for making things suck. atticus, who has been with us for quite some time, emailed me the other day to point out that things have been getting progressively worse since Tomato and I started getting too busy to come around and enforce the rules as strictly as they used to be. And I couldn't agree with him more. Anyone who was here a while back knows that the forums used to be a magical place where lollipops and gumdrops flowed freely from a spring of happiness and peace. It was sweet. I want my spring back.

New Starmen.Net Infrastructure/Design
OK, so all this stuff is going wrong. We should all just eat worms and die, right? WRONG, although that's usually the correct response. Tomato and I have decided to take action. I've known for quite some time that I've been wanting to do a new design for the site, and in fact have been working on it for a while. At first it was just going to be a rehash of the same layout with different graphics, but before long it had progressed into much more than that. Our plans for the future are ambitious and exciting, if I do say so myself. Assuming all goes to plan, the site will never be the same, as the entire infrastructure of the site will undergo a complete overhaul.

I would like to explain more, but I've decided I want to keep all of the details of the new design secret for as long as possible. I've never once been able to keep a new Sm.Net design secret from people for more than a few weeks, and certainly never up until the date of its release, so we'll see how it goes. Just understand that this will be the most drastic change to Starmen.Net since that fateful day almost 3 years ago that Tomato brought informationy goodness to the former pile of poo that was `EarthBound.Net'.

Finish Him!! Petitionality
With all this talk of future things, we have to remember to finish up the things we've started. The petition is so close to being done, and I'm excited at the possibilty of getting it done within the next month. I think we can totally do it if you, the visitors, work hard and put the word out in as many forums and chatrooms as you can. More information on how to be a happy helper is on the petition page.

The Great Forum Regooditization of 2002
Also, I've decided to start a campaign for the regooditization of the Starmen.Net Forum. Appropriately, this will be the Great Forum Regooditization of 2002. Pretty much what it boils down to is that I'm gonna be hanging out on the forum a lot and enforcing the rules, and working some new stuff out with the mods/admins. I want to make the forums as enjoyable (and busy) as they used to be; not that they're real bad right now, but they're not very good. Here are a few suggestions I'd like to make to everyone to make stuff better:

1) Be nice to each other
2) Be nice even to people you don't think you like
3) Make more positive topics, not depressing or negative stuff
4) Don't act like you've been around and you've seen everything there is to see and nothing impresses you. If someone posts something they think is cool, I swear I'm going to suspend the first person who says `HELLOS THAT IS SO TUESDAY OF LAST WEEK HELLOS CLICHE'. This falls under the `being nice to each other', but still, its one of my biggest pet peeves.

With the new design will come a great many things, one of which I believe will be the revitalization of this website. If Tomato and Xod work their magical programming powers according to plan, the activity on the site will explode. Whats better is that it won't be a temporary thing - things will inevitably slow down after the novelty wears off, but the inertia of the new structure to the site will pretty much carry the site thereafter with a new level of activity. But enough talking, I must get back into action. I'm working on the graphics for the new design as we speak.

With all this said, I'll see you guys on the forum :) It's good to be back, especially at a time when the future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

...

Where are my shades?