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| How did the Starmen manage to get there hands (or whatever those things are) on the Sword of Kings? | ||
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Gonmon makes me jealous >.<
To figure out the how, we have to figure out the why. Ya see, the Starmen are the evolved form of the well-known, and well-loved, super stars from Mario Bros. You can see the resemblance almost right off the bat! The 5 appendages sticking off the blocky body. Those bottomless eyes. Everytime Mario missed one of those happy-go-lucky stars, the star's path to video game glory was gone, forever. These lost, confused stars searched the land over and over, for something to solve their problems. The answer they discovered was lying in the Wooly Shambler. The Wooly Shambler happens to be the most powerful creature in video game history, but unfortunately, you can comprehend his attacks, so his power was rather wasted. The Wooly Shambler holds the key to assuming demi-human form. Wooly Shamblers look really nasty in their natural form. Because the Wooly Shambler is in love with Giygas, he promised to teach the seceret to the Starmen: only if they could find the Royal Sword, that was supposed to be apart of a lineage. Without the sword, the lineage would die. Thus, the Starman Supers were sent on the job. Given the fact that they had a goldish-hue, they could easily blend into the enviroment of Dalaam Palace. Now since we all know that Starmen are master ninjas, they easily went into the Palace, all splinter cell like, and stole the sword. This was right around the time Poo was born. Poo has to reclaim the sword to marry. That's why he's such a player, because he knows there's no nagging wife to beat his arse when he cheats on her. So when Poo found the Sword of Kings, he knew his days of bachleorhood were over. No more fun time for Poo |
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To answer this question, first I have to explain a bit about Poo's training. Along with the Mu and Starstrorm training we know about, Poo also recieved weapon master training, intended to let him use any kind of weapon known to man. This, of course, included swords. However, when the prince left his isolated kingdom, he was faced with hi-tech weapons he had never even heard of before, like "bats" and "pans". As such, he was forced to put his unarmed training to use for most of the journey.
Skip ahead to the battle at Stonehenge. The chosen four are fighting their way towards their captured friends, when along comes a Starman Super wielding a very regal-looking sword. This is no ordinary Starman Super, though. He's none other than the prince of starmen, the next in line for the throne of the starman kingdom! Unfortunately, the starman kingdom is a long time rival of Dalaam, ever since the whole "Star Master" incident, so the two princes recognize each other almost instantly. Both sides fight valiantly until the starman is taken down by a heavy bazooka shell. Poo claims his fallen rival's family heirloom, the Sword of Kings, as a trophy. Of course, this raises an important question: What about the other items of kings? Well, they were all dropped by earlier Starman princes, who met their untimely ends through various hazards on Earth. Namely UFO malfunction, chomposaurs, and angry fobbies. |
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Well, to understand how the sword fell into the Starmen's clutches, you must also know of the swords extraordinary origins. A long, long time ago, before the discovery of alcohol, the Irish were super-scientists! (see Family Guy for more details).
The Irish got bored of playing with super nano-laser technologies and decided to to go retro for a day-- hence the nonsensical Irish holiday "Do something concerning really old stuff day" was formed. It's only nonsensical because they discovered alcohol on that day and became babbling idiots. Well, the last sober scientist forged "Da Sword of Sobermen" and finally gave into peer pressure and did drugs. Just say no. Well, the sword got shipped out, mistaken for a set of kitchen cuttlery, and wound up in the Winters. Dr. Andonuts' great, great, great, great, great grandfather found the sword. The lettering was a bit difficult to make out, so he just shrugged the idea of the name off and set to work. He enhanced the blade to be as thin as a molecule (hence it's devistating powers--HAHAHA! Whew, that was funny. Devistating powers, yeah right...). Anyway, after he made it better than it was, he got bored one day and joined an on-line dating community. As always, these long-distance things never work out, so in frustration he hurled the sword out the door (which was the closest thing to him at the time) and it landed in a river! The river swept the blade out into the sea with its fast current. Well, the blade wound up with the Undine monster of Monster Rancher 2. Why MR2? Why not? Well, she played with it until she met a nice Durahan who had lost his old one in a nasty fight, so she gave him that old irish/winterian blade. The durahan was very greatful. So he gave her a potato. The durahan became a great knight and won duels all across the world, and even had time to pose for photo ops! Well, like all things do, he got old and decided to give the sword to an old friend, a swordsmith from the far east, who took an instant liking to the Celtic blade. Well, the eastern man, of whom we shall call for arguement's sake 'Bob', took the sword home to Dalaam. Bob liked the sword so much, he used the ancient Dalaamese sword folding technique they 'borrowed without consent' from Japan. He forged it and renamed it 'The sword... of HA!'. No one, even to this day, is quite sure as to what 'ha' really meant to this old guy named Bob. Well, one night, a flying saucer flew down on Dalaam and abducted Bob and his precious sword of ha. On the ship was the Zilla King! No, don't ask me why a whale creature was on a flying saucer, I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me, Bob. Well, the Zilla King was good friends with the Metalner king and they decided they liked the sword, so they let Bob go in return for the blade. Bob wound up lost in the Summers for the next thirty years before realizing Dalaam did not have a nasty climate shift and that he was living with a woman named Kevin. Back to the sword, the Zilla and Metalner were violent tribes and they decided to invade the Starman homeworld. Called "Starmania". Original, huh? Well, they invaded, long story short, they also lost. In return for their heads, they gave up the sword to the StarMan King. So he named it "The Sword of Kings". Then some 13-year-old kid stole it away from him. Yes, the Starman king was also the king of posers. That's okay though, they all look the same anyway... |
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Ah. The legendary tale of the "Dish That Ran Away With The Spoon, Got Married, Had Children, All Of Them Died Except One, And He Was A Knife". It was a butter knife to be exact, but who's counting? Certainly not the Count, for there isn't any Lightning in the skies above. At least not here. Sesame Street, perhaps, but not here in my humble class room.
Ah, but it's time to move onto the tale of woe and tragedy, ultimately leading to a lead role in a few Shakespeare plays and some calamities with the Forks of York. As it so happens, and since it usually does, it's initial beginings were during the time of the Intergalactic Medival War of Swords and Laser Pointers, something that only happens every 5 years for 20 seconds. During this time, the Dish, who at the time was madly in love with the far and beautiful Spoon, decided to hijack a camel and set off into the sunset with the Spoon in tow. Having said thus, I'll leave the honeymoon up to your imagination. So, instead, I'll skip forward at a rapidly rabid dog pace to 77 thousand years in the future's past of the past's future in the alternate universe of Googies and Froogles. In layman's terms, we're only 5 years out from the initial run away time of that Dish and Spoon, you doughnut head. As such, the Coffee Cake Head Generals were out for blood berries, and the children of the legendary Spoon and Dish decided to fight the oppresive system with their invaluable X's of TelePhones. But try as they might, all 500 children could do nothing against the Coffee Cake heads, and they all became scrap metal, melted down, and sorted into jewelry. Save for one: The Knife. The Knife was the strongest of the children, and as such, he could only barely make it home to his mother and father, the Dish and the Spoon, to give them the bad news. But alas, they had been killed as well. His father had been shattered to peices and his mother was bent by some Oracle's children (In the records of this event, it was later recorded that the Knife was found repeating to himself the phrase: "There is no Spoon, There is no Spoon..."). Wallowing in self despair, the Knife trudged off into the Wild Blue Yonder south of the City he used to live in, all while wearing his sunglasses at night. He soon found happiness living la vida loca, dancing the night away and soon found that he had absolutely no clue what so ever what he was any longer. But then, out of the dark black forest emerged a warrior clad in a golden HazMat suit and tenticles for hands. He called himself the Super(Star)Man, and that he had a message for everyone. His message was that his master, the Coffee Cake Head Overlord or Overclocked Watches, demanded a way to butter his bread without having to dip himself into the tub himself. Anyone who did not try to help, would die a horrible death of being forced to watch re-runs of Chip and Dale until their eyes boiled out of their heads at dawn. Drunk as always, the Knife ran into the Super(Star)Man and swore profusly only to find himself in shackles before a large tub of butter. Fearing that the butter would remove his lovely razor sharpness, the Knife lept into the tenticle grabby things of the Super(Star)Man in an attempt to escape. The Coffee Cake Head Overlord of Overclocked Watches took it as a threat from the Super(Star)Man and decided to do battle while dancing to "Baa Baa Blacksheep". The battle was soon won when the Knife (who was asleep at the time from all his drinking), fell from the grasp of the Super(Star)Man and landed in the Coffee Cake Head's head, thus ending his life quickly and deliciously. Giygas then opened his sister's dollhouse, took his action figure replica of his Starmen army, Knife in hand, and tromped off to his room, telling his sister, Giygina, not to touch his stuff anymore when he's getting ready to fight a war. Later that night, the massive clones of the Starmen were made, but only one had the Knife still clutched in his tenticle hand thingies. Giygas's sister found the same one she had taken earlier, saw her toy knife and decided to throw into the loop of history's rail ways that there was a rumour of a special weapon known as the Sword Of Kings was about, when in fact, it was still a semi-useless Knife that didn't effect the outcome of Earthbound too much if not found since it was still knocked out fom drinking to much. And thus, we learn why our heroes aren't so much of heroes, but what am I talking about? I didn't even mention a hero I think. Oh well. Must be the over dose of cold medicine that's affecting my vision. :D That's all for now, children of the pie. |
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This page was last modified on Fri 29-Jul-2005 19:55:03.
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